a King, a Queen, and their not so Noble Steed
by The Two Sides Of Fate
Summary: A HichiIchiHime drabble collection. Yes, you read that right. Warnings include: uncontrollable twitching, loss of sleep, loss of sanity, sudden urges to do the macarena, disoriented waiters, a need for brain bleach, and meatballs. Just. Meatballs.
1. Costume

**You all should've known it was coming. I tried to fight it but it was inevitable. The plot bunnies were eating me alive. **

**HichiIchiHime. There. I said it.**

**This will be a drabble thread dedicated to my OT3 of awesome. In all of these drabbles they are all together. There is no jealousy, only luff, and fluff, and slight insanity. It had to be done. Also remember that I do not write smut so you can just put your kleenex boxes away now you guys. Though...it does have Shiro. And in a situation like this he tends to come out as the natural perv, so maybe hold on to just one or two tissues. I do not know.**

**Now prepare, puny mortals, for some mental scarring. (P.S. This is all your fault Eneyla. I hope you realise that. You _and _your purple tights.)**

**Disclaimer which I never bother to do: If I owned Bleach, it would look like this. Yeah, keep running.**

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**Costume:**

"No damn-"

**"-Way in hell."**

"But…it'll be really _cute_," the auburn princess pouted. Both boys visibly cringed at the word 'cute'. The princesses' eyes grew round. Damn, it was getting back to _that_ again. Saying 'no' had always been a difficult-

**'_Damn, well, Impossible, King. Don't try to lighten it up.'_**

"_Shut it, Shiro."_

-Well, for some reason he couldn't quite fathom, the word 'No' was not something he could ever use against the innocent healer. He did just fine using it against his Hollow-

**'_Hey, yeah, why is that?'_**

"_Because you're an ass, Shiro."_

And Shiro used to never have a problem with it for either of them. In fact, for the longest time Shiro had become his safety cushion, for, if ever Orihime had asked him something that seemed particularly ridiculous, he always had Shiro's raucous echoing laughter, both inside his head and outside, preventing him from saying something too soon. Something very stupid too soon.

But then something happened that made the substitute shinigami sure that Hell was there next winter cottage destination. The Hollow got soft.

**"I DID NOT!!!"**

Orihime jumped at the Hollow's random outburst-She was still not quite used to their mind link conversations- and her frilly pink Princess costume bounced with her. She'd, for once, chosen a Halloween costume the boys could actually deem as normal, nice even. And waaaaay tempting had their current situation not been distracting them.

"You did so. Don't try to lighten it up," Ichigo snapped back, a growing smirk on his face. The Hollow twitched.

But, that was where Ichigo's problem lay. No longer did he have that backup support he needed when there was a request that- love the girl with all his heart or not- he just could not say yes to. And for the sake of his dignity's shredded remains he _needed_ that backup this time around.

Large gray eyes bored into his, disappointment teetering just around the edges of her face. Her lips begin to quiver. He couldn't do this.

**'_No. God please, don't make us do this. Ichiiiii…'_** Shiro mentally whined. Ichigo cast a glance over at his horrified twin who looked as if he'd somehow gotten even paler. As if that was possible.

He glanced back at Orihime. _"But she really wants us to. Why can't _you_ say it?"_

**'_Because- I- She- You- She- It- Ichiiiii!'_**

"Er, well…" Orihime's face lit up. He could already hear Shiro mentally breaking down, and for once, he couldn't find it in him to claim the rare chance to successfully make fun of his other half. After all, they were just one word away from puffy sleeves, purple tights, a particularily disturbing horse costume and an eternity's worth of very serious therapy.

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**P.S. I haven't forgotten about my Juxtaposed Fanfic. I'm still working on it, I swear, I've just been busy and struggling. I'm not going to abandon it and not tell you. Sorry for the long wait guys.**


	2. Colours

**Colours:**

The dishes clacked together as Orihime continued to scrub at them furiously. Her face was screwed up into tight lipped worry, a bright red blush flaming on her cheeks. Rather than taking the time to notice she had been scrubbing at the exact same spot for almost five minutes now, her mind was trying to pick out the sounds of her apartment while coming up with some elaborate story- something that wasn't normally very hard for her- that could explain-

A loud echoing scream filled the apartment.** "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?!?!"**

Orihime winced and continued to scrub ever harder on the now non-existent spot, her blush growing brighter. A groan sounded from her living room where Ichigo had crashed on her couch after getting into a fight with some Hollow not even hours before. Of course, his own hollow nearly always went with him- something Orihime didn't mind because then she could be sure the substitute shinigami would be safe. But then again, they tended to distract and argue with each other a lot so that even when going out to fight a hollow that would otherwise be harmless they still came back injured. Most likely these injuries were caused by each other.

At 4:00 am, the two had come back, bruised and bleeding, and wordlessly dropped into their previous positions with Ichigo sprawled out on her couch and Shirosaki-kun resting on the floor (She'd insisted many times before that they get some sort of air mattress but the hollow merely grumbled something about always having to sleep on "rock-hard buildings" and that he was far used to it by now). She hadn't really been sleeping while waiting for their return so when they came back she decided it would probably be a good idea to heal them while they slept. She'd healed Ichigo first-just a slight cut down his arm- and had finished within seconds. She'd then turned to the hollow and paused.

She'd never had to heal Shirosaki-kun before she realised with a start. He always claimed he could heal himself whenever he wanted with his hollow abilities. Orihime guessed that Shirosaki-kun simply must've not noticed he'd been injured. She smiled widely thinking about the reaction she might get when he woke up to find the small gash on his head that had begun to tint a section of his beautiful snowy hair a dark red, completely healed. She summoned soten kishun and began to work, attempting to suppress the giggle that wanted to rise up out of her at the soft, peaceful expression on the "scary hollow's" sleeping face.

The gash healed quickly but for some reason his hair still did not return to its former pure white. She continued trying. For several minutes. Until she finally realised what she had done and had scrambled around in circles in utter horror, with a part of her silently musing at how such a thing could happen. Now she was trying to scrub holes in her dishes.

Ichigo stumbled half asleep into the kitchen and glanced around. He spotted Orihime quickly and moved to lean against the counter right beside her.

Ichigo yawned. "What's that damn hollow going on about this early in morning?"

Orihime bit her lip and blushed harder, earning a raised eyebrow from the orange haired shinigami.

"Well…ano…" she began when the said hollow came sliding into the kitchen, fury and embarrassment rolling off him in waves.

**"Which one of you sick twisted freaks did this to my hair!" **He roared. The dish she'd been holding clattered into the sink and she tensed for the explosion. Beside her she could feel Ichigo's gaping expression at the hollow's new "look".

So she'd been so busy "healing" Shirosaki-kun, she kinda hadn't noticed when his hair had started to turn…well, into hair that _wasn't_ Shirosaki-kun's. And though she never let it go far enough so that his hair turned _completely_ orange, that also meant it was stuck at the colour in between.

Orihime turned around slowly, unable to look the distressed albino in the face. "It…uh…it brings out…the colour in your eyes…?"

With that Ichigo crumpled to the floor in laughter, clutching his sides for dear life. The hollow's face turned a strange shade of blue, which Orihime couldn't figure out was thanks to a blush or if he'd been holding his breath too long.

**"You think this is _funny?!_ I'll kill you!" **

"Lemon yellow! Your hair turned lemon yellow! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Orihime tried her best to suppress the giggles that wanted to rise up. She just wondered how long the "scary hollow" could last with her before he finally ran for the hills in terror.


	3. Top

**Since this _HichiIchi_Hime some slight slips of yaoi are utterly impossible not to include (who wouldn't want to include them anyway?). But I'll just post a fair warning for those who aren't prepared for it- if you don't like HichiIchi you will likely need brain bleach for the following drabble. On another note; holy shit, people actually like these. D: I was so scared of getting flamed for doing a pairing like this. I have zero self esteem so a serious flame would just shatter me as a writer. This is kinda why I'm scared to get a beta, even though I really should get one… Anywho, super thanks to those who reviewed or put this thing in their faves or on alert. I love you people! **

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**Top:**

It was a question that had been on all of their minds. Despite this, no one had really had had the guts to say it, sometimes for fear of being torn to pieces for asking such a thing, and sometimes for the fear of actually getting the answer. But unfortunately, all the people who knew about the three also inevitably knew Urahara Kisuke. Knowing Urahara Kisuke when one was admittedly not the brightest bulb in the pack often led to some unfortunate consequences. Really, there was a _reason_ that blasted white demon existed.

But for Renji Abarai, he really had no choice in the matter. He'd made a deal with the shop keeper and he never went back on his word. At least, not up until now. The prospect of just taking off without another word was rather tempting. He _should've_ just ran, but it was too late now, hence why he was in the middle of the shoten sitting in front of one madly blushing Inoue Orihime, one mildly surprised inner hollow, and one Ichigo Kurosaki, whose face was still dripping from the tea he'd spat halfway across the room. Beside him, Rukia Kuchiki was looking at him as if he'd grown another head. If he had, Renji hoped to god it turned out smarter than the one he was currently using.

"I asked who tops," He repeated. "I mean, it's gotta be weird with three of you and…well…" He glanced pointedly at the hollow causing a large smirk to spread across its face.

**"It's funny you should ask that,"** the hollow laughed, sending a shiver down the two shinigami's spine but causing Ichigo to do nothing more than scowl as Orihime fidgeted with the ends of her dress.

Ichigo wiped the tea away from his face. "It's none of your god damned business," He growled.

**"Aw, don't be like that King, he was only asking an innocent little question," **the hollow snickered. Renji and Rukia shot each other a glance, both wondering where the "innocence" in that question was. Orihime looked like she was seriously contemplating whether or not crawling under the table and pretending she'd died would be a good way to spend the rest of her existence.

Ichigo stood and extended a hand down to the flushed princess. "Come on, let's go Orihime."

She accepted his hand and smiled half-heartedly, allowing him to pull her onto her feet. The two began to leave and Renji sighed- though he wasn't sure whether it was in relief or because he wouldn't get that answer that Urahara wanted so badly for some unfathomable reason other than being completely sick in the head. Renji suspected the former. The hollow looked a touch disappointed, staring at his two departing majesties.

Suddenly he turned back onto the shingami with a grin, leaning over the table with a hand to the side of his mouth. **"I'll give you a hint,"** he whispered. **"I may be the horse, but if you'll look closely, they're the only ones who are _limping_."**

In that moment several things happened at once; Renji's and Rukia's faces twisted into matched expressions of horror and disgust, Ichigo froze completely still, Orihime stumbled and nearly fell flat on her face, the hollow broke into a fit of cackling hysterics, and somewhere a sick man in a green and white striped hat was having a _very_ good time thinking of all the new jokes and taunts he could-and would- use against the orange haired substitute shinigami with this new information. And he would be using those jokes and taunts for a _very_ long time to come.

_'Ah, Shirosaki-san, what a wonderful little "accident" you turned out to be.'_


	4. Squabble

**Squabble**

"How can you deal with that?" Rukia hissed across the table to a blushing Inoue Orihime, as a certain white Hollow winked at her knowingly and turned to pinch the object of her fancying, causing the substitute shinigami to yelp and swat the hollow away. Orihime tilted her head in confusion and attempted to block out the sounds of the others' squabbling.

"What do you mean Kuchiki-san?" She asked innocently.

Off to the side the two had somehow managed to knock each other to the floor. "Stupid hollow! get- AH!"

Rukia tried desperately to avert her gaze from the tumble turning…something else.

"I mean _that_." She said pointedly, with a nod of her head.

"Idiot, let go of me! Get off! Get- Gyaaaah! Stop that! Stupid horny hollow!"

**"Oh-ho-ho! Gettin' excited are we, King?"**

"GET OFF!!!"

Orihime giggled, bashfully. "It's okay Kuchiki-san. I don't mind. I'm just glad they're getting along."

"Gah! Put that damn tongue away! Stop trying to lick me! I said stop it!"

Rukia nodded slowly. "Uh-huh, getting along, right. But, what I meant was, well…don't get me wrong, I have no problem with him being gay-"

"Bi," Orihime corrected, beaming.

"Right, well, I'm perfectly okay with that. I mean, a lot of us _had_ kinda suspected…" Rukia stole a glance at the flushed teen as he feebly attempted to fight off his hollow. "But, what I meant was … doesn't it bother you that the guy you fell in love with is a narcissist?"

Ichigo, having missed the whole conversation, only sighed in relief when the hollow suddenly stopped trying to rape him in the middle of the kitchen floor.

"Ichigo-kun isn't a narcissist!" Orihime spluttered, her arms flailing wildly. "He's just a…a…uh…"

"A self-loving bastard?" Rukia supplied for her.

"Yeah! Wait! No! That isn't-"

**"He's not a narcissist," **the hollow interrupted, perfectly straight faced despite his current position atop the substitute shinigami. Rukia raised her eyebrows at the hollow's sudden soberness. Ichigo merely looked confused at what everyone was talking about.

"And how is that?" She inquired noncommittally.

"**Well, for one, the idiot hates himself. I should know, having lived inside his head**," The hollow answered, just as calmly. "**If it weren't for me and Hime, the guy would be dead and he probably wouldn't even care.**"

Orihime frowned sadly at that and Rukia remained quiet.

"**Two_,_ he doesn't admire me or center his world on me.** **If he did, he wouldn't have struggled.**" The hollow gestured down with his head at the boy pinned beneath him who had only now stopped trying to tear his wrists from the hollow's grip.

"**He likes Hime the best**," the hollow stated definitely. Ichigo furrowed his brows and stared up at the hollow's expressionless face, trying to interpret what the tone was in which the other was speaking. Orihime's eyes grew round with some unnamed emotion, a shout of protest frozen on her tongue. Rukia felt suddenly out of place.

"**And three, if you're going to assume that we're the same person then us being together isn't narcissism but masturbation, a perfectly healthy thing for any normal human being to do,**" The hollow finished with a grin. The tense atmosphere in the room shattered.

"Okay! That's it! You ruined it! Get the hell off me!" Ichigo snapped, flushing an even deeper crimson than before.

"**What will I get if I do?**" The hollow hummed.

"Nothing, you ass!"

"**Oh, well that's no fun. I think I'll just do this instead**."

"What? No! Stop you- Aaaaaaagh!"

Orihime giggled again as she watched her two princes' "playful quarrelling". "They're really funny, Kuchiki-san. Really, _really _funny."

Rukia raised a brow and suddenly grinned evily, pulling out her chappy camera phone. "You know, I think you're right, Inoue. Good choice, picking this idiot."

"Was my pleasure, Kuchiki-san."

"GET OFF ME YOU PSYCHOTIC DEMON!!!"

"**Oh! Smile for the camera, King! This is gonna be our Christmas card! You kneel behind us, Hime!**"

"O-okay!"

"No! Orihime, don't! Rukia, I swear, I'll take that camera and-" _Click._

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**The funny decided it didn't want to come out this drabble, so it's more serious, but I still like it. Besides, I don't want this collection to be _entirely_ humour. Just…mostly humour. Thanks for your kind reviews, faves, and alerts.**


	5. Dress

**Dress**

There were many reasons why, every single day, the moment it was physically possible for him to do so, Ichigo Kurosaki bolted it for home like he was on fire. At first the reasons related to the destruction of his entire flat and possibly the loss of a few lives. Later this became the simple eradication of the fridge and a few rooms. _Then,_ leave it to the universe to strategically plan for his girlfriend to make it home before him everyday, which was always a big 'NO'. If it wasn't obvious, these reasons all revolved around one very specific hollow and its knack for causing devastation in his life.

Today was no different, except for the fact that his girlfriend had been sick. Meaning she was at home. All day. With his hollow_. Alone._

So instead of only spending an hour within that day tearing his hair out, Ichigo had cleverly decided he'd forever rid himself of all the jokes about his hair and go bald. Without a single trip to the haircutters, amazingly enough.

So after the tearful departing of the remainder of his sanity, Ichigo was running as if being chased by a rather large boulder or perhaps just Mayuri Kurotsuchi. While to some, it may have seemed as if he were overreacting about his current situation, Ichigo _knew_, oh he _knew_ that the hollow had done _something._ His boulder senses were most definitely more than just tingling.

As Ichigo sped up the stairs, nearly sending some poor lady flying like she was a pin in a bowling alley, a feeling of dread came over him on what he might discover. When he opened the door carefully and a bit of the sinisterly enthusiastic conversation coming from inside found his ears, he knew this would surely add to the list of reasons for why he would one day kill the shop keeper who had been so stupid as to find a way to give the hollow a body of his own.

**"So I was thinking, I wasn't sure whether he should wear white or black and whether or not a tux would even be a good idea."**

"Why is dat Shiwo-kun?" Ichigo heard his sick girlfriend sniff. He felt a wave of shock at her calling the hollow by the shortened form of his previous name but that shock was quickly replaced-

**"Ah, see, I was thinking about wearing white but I thought 'it's usually the girly ones that were white,' so I figured, since he's my bitch, he should wear white and I'll wear black this time."**

-With absolute horror.

"_But_…_?_" Orihime pressed him to continue.

**"But then, if you're wearing a white dress and he's wearing a white dress it'll look too weird, too matchy-matchy,"** the hollow hummed.

"hmm…you're wight…I know! He can wear a bwack dress!" Ichigo choked violently and continued attempting not to cough up a lung or vomit, giving away his location just behind the wall.

**"That's a great idea!"** His hollow cried out, ironically proving how _not_ great of an idea it was just by talking. **"You were right! This wedding thing _is_ fun!"**

And with that, half Ichigo's brain cells spontaneously combusted.

"Towd you so," Orihime sniffled smugly. There was a pause. "Oh, but dat won' work eider. It'll look like e's wearing a funewal gown."

**"…well, I heard these sort of events are stressful so putting King in a funeral gown would be like killing two birds with one stone, I suppose…"**

**"But either way he has to wear that dress at some point during this thing-a-ma-jig,"** The soon-to-be deceased hollow declared. Ichigo could practically hear his girlfriend's very unsupportive nod of agreement.

Ichigo, unable to take any more of this cruel and harsh method of emasculation, walked out into the doorway of the room, giving a full flame-inducing glare to his hollow, all while attempting to ignore the various wedding magazines scattered around. Immune to glares and the concept of allowing him to retain his dignity, the smiling pair turned around to beam at him warmly.

"Wewcome home, Ichigo-kun!" Orihime greeted. Or more, sneezed.

**"Just in time King!" **The hollow grinned. **"I wanted to ask you something; would you prefer something poofy and frilly or this slim cut one in the picture here."**

Ichigo seethed. "You…do realise don't you…that polygamy…is _ILLEAGAL!?!?_"

There was a long silence.

**"…And so is letting yourself be topped by a horse, but so far that hasn't stopped you."**

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**Ah, Polygamy. Reminds me of the day_ my_ three wifey's all proposed to me. ^^ Dedicated to you three. I hope it didn't break your brains as much as it did mine. **

**I had this idea in my head before and, ironically, got this same word as a prompt for Darkinsanity's drabble challenge. I couldn't think of anything else but this, so after a week of fighting it, this atrocity was born. Me likes it though. The funny is much more prominent in this one. Along with the mental scarrage. Yay polygamy and my general screwed-in-the-head-ness! :D love you guys!**


	6. Visit

**Visit **

"_Why?_" Shiro hissed through his teeth for the twentieth time, his eyes narrowed to kill.

Ichigo sighed, as he and Orihime packed their part of the barbeque, an idea she had suggested they all do as a sort of reunion party. "They're our friends. Why can't you just like them?"

"What do you mean, 'why can't I just like them'?" The hollow flared incredulous. "They're the vizards! The _vizards! _Or have you forgotten?"

"But Shiro-kun," Orihime started, frowning. It had been so long since they'd visited the vizards. She wanted to visit Hachi-san again and Hirako-kun and Hiyori-chan too. And Orihime knew Ichigo probably missed them as well. They were like an extended family to them both. But apparently this didn't apply to the hollow.

"Nu-uh. Not this time. We are _not_ going back there, and that's _final!_" He stomped one foot on the ground in a rather childish manner and then dropped onto the couch, his arms folded over his chest.

"But why?" Orihime asked in a pleading voice, turning his earlier question back on him.

"Why? Why!? Why don't you ask _this _asshole?!" He snapped, pointing a black nailed finger at Ichigo. "Oh, right! I know why! Because he'll just tell you the same old bullshit story they _all_ like to tell! About how his inner hollow was so damn evil for _protecting his ass,_ that he had to go to seek out the group of people who would 'help him' just like they 'promised' then going on to just drink in all the more bullshit they gave him and from there try to have the same hollow beaten down and suppressed for potentially the rest of his existence- which wouldn't likely be long considering who the moron he was sharing a body with _was_." The hollow glared furiously at his other half.

Ichigo sighed again, a little more tiredly this time. "That was more than a year ago, Shiro. Can't you just let it go? I have."

Shiro's eyes narrowed even more than before and he barred his teeth as he spoke, exposing the sharp canines that somehow seemed much longer than the substitute shinigami's. "_They tried to ruin my life_. If you were in my position, you would feel exact same way. You wanna know how I know? Because we used to be the same person! Fancy that, huh? Two souls who are supposedly the same trying to kill each other; I wonder who influenced _that_ idea."

"Oh yes, and you were being oh so friendly at the time weren't you? Trying to constantly take over and invade my head," Ichigo huffed with a roll of his eyes.

"Because you weren't _listening_!" the hollow flailed. "I kept trying to talk calmly but nooo. Nothing wrong with a mask protecting you and nothing wrong with some other version of you trying to teach you important things about Zangetsu, but find out that other version is a _hollow_ who's been protecting you, well now it's a big deal! Let's just rip his mask off why don't we? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your freaking face shatter?"

"Well maybe not, but I definitely felt the sword you launched at me!" Ichigo yelled back, finally snapping.

"And you did the same thing right after! But since you're the shinigami and I'm the hollow, that automatically makes you the hero doesn't it?"

"You were going to hurt everyone!"

"You didn't know that!"

"What about Ishida then?"

"It was a fluke! You know full well we were on autopilot! If he was in the way of protecting Hime he probably deserved it! He-" the hollow silenced abruptly when a soft sniffling met his ears. Ichigo noticed as well and both pairs of eyes widened in horror, as they took note of the tears that had begun to well up around the large light brown orbs, her mouth quivering from trying too hard to hold them back.

"H-Hime?"

"I'm sorry," she hiccupped. "It's just- It's just so sad. I couldn't help it." Ichigo and Shiro's brows rose up to hide under their bangs in matching expressions of confusion.

"We- We have to- You have to-" She paused and took a deep breath, wiping her eyes on her sleeve and collecting herself. She studied the pair for a long moment with a shocking amount of seriousness.

She looked them both in the face. "Kiss and make up."

"What?" they both responded in flat voices.

Orihime remained composed. "After all this time we've been together, you two have been keeping your wounds to yourself and have been pretending the past never happened. I won't have it. As _Queen_ of this household, I demand that you two kiss and make up,"

"And a real kiss too!" She added quickly, nearly making them flinch. "No quick pecks on the forehead-" She glared at Ichigo- "And no neck licks or ten minute frenchies-" she turned her glare on the hollow. "I want to see a good, real, romantic kiss on the lips."

Shiro shrugged and stood.

"And then you both have to say to each other that you're sorry."

Ichigo wondered if he'd just imagined the screech of brakes as the hollow stopped dead in his tracks. Neither one moved for what felt like a long time. Orihime folded her arms and tapped her foot against the floor impatiently. For one thing, Ichigo wanted to know where this new persona had come from, and for another…why did he have to kiss Shiro of all things? It was one thing to just do it randomly but…but to be asked to do it… and then to… to actually…? Ichigo's face flamed.

On the other side, Shiro's eye was twitching spastically out of his control. Apologize? For what? He wasn't sorry. As far as he was concerned he hadn't done anything wrong. But apparently his "Queen"- the joke seemed so much less funny now for some reason- wouldn't be satisfied with anything less. Why did this always happen to him?

"Do we have to do it _now?_" He tested. Orihime merely nodded. Fine. He could admit defeat. It wasn't _that_ hard. Now, what was he sorry for…? _I'm sorry you're a moron._ No, that wouldn't work. _I'm sorry for breaking the buildings in your head? _Nah… _I'm sorry I couldn't resist bangin' ya' till- _What? Hell no! Why would anyone in their right minds be sorry for that? He needed something else…

He grinned. "I'm sorry for scaring the living daylights out of you, King- even if your expressions are hilarious."

Orihime, much to Ichigo's disbelief, nodded approvingly. They both turned on him and he ground his teeth.

He took a breath. "Mm surrr…"

Orihime blinked and Shiro cocked an eyebrow as his face went red and he scowled at the wall. Why did he always have to blush? He'd thought it to be kinda cute before whenever Orihime blushed, getting all flustered over the littlest things but now he realised exactly how annoying it could be. He felt like such a…a…dare he even think it?

"Um…Ichigo-kun, you're gonna have to say it louder. It was kinda hard to hear you," His girlfriend prompted him. He set his jaw.

"I'm sooorrr…"

"C'mon Kingy, you can do it," the hollow snickered, earning a sharp glare. He took another deep breath.

_"Isaidimsorryihurtyou!"_ He knew it came out as mush but at this point, he didn't really care. It was over and hopefully it'd never have to come back up again.

"There," Orihime hummed, satisfied with his response. "Now kiss."

Well, it was _almost _over. He frowned over at his sunshine princess.

"Are you even with us because you like us or are you only in it for the free live yaoi?" Ichigo asked suspiciously.

"Well," She admitted, grinning sheepishly, "The free yaoi _is _a bonus…"

He shook his head disdainfully. "I knew it."

"…Well, can't let the Queen down!" Shiro shrugged, sounding far too eager.

Ichigo growled. "Fine."

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Shinji stood outside the apartment tapping his foot impatiently. Well, it wasn't so much that he was impatient just that Hiyori had been recently talking about getting a new pair of sandals. Possibly ones that had the brute force equivalent to her zampakuto and really he wasn't interested in being their new test dummy. After waiting only five more seconds for the long anticipated couple to come out, he thought to himself 'screw it', and walked right on in.

"What the hell is taking you so goddamned long Ichigo? Do you-" his words died on his tongue at the scene before him and his jaw promptly detached itself.

"Hirako-kun! Nice to see you!"

"Mmf- wha? WAH! Shit! No! It's not what it looks like! I- I- I…"

"That's it, Hime. I just can't do it. Not only have those damn vizards corrupted him but they've ruined a perfectly good kiss too. We're not going."

"- I- I- I- I…"

"But Shiro-_kun_…!"

"- I- I…!"

"No. The asshole club can suck it. Now fix those idiots before their brains crack in two, will ya?"

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**Psh. Plot? Content? Things besides dialogue? Who needs any of _that?_ I plan on making a sequel but who knows when that might happen. Another note: I've stopped bolding everything Shiro says. It was annoying me.**

**You know what I love? The fact that even with this being a more HichiIchi chapter, Hime's still got those two just wrapped around her finger. XD I'm horrible aren't I?**

**Hugs to Eneyla-wifey and Teal-sama for being so kind as to take the time to review this collection of crazy! ^^**


	7. Projectile Cheerios

**I'm warning you now, the awful sugary fluff in this will rot more than just your teeth; it will rot your brain. D8 It's no doubt OOC too…I can't really tell at this point. Prepare yourself for some melting inside the cranium. And I know the premise/theme for this is over-used and cliche in Bleach fandom but it's what came out so I went with it.**

* * *

Like every morning he awoke sleeping next to Ichigo or Orihime he was met with a muted pounding which threw him off those first few moments-_every single damn time_-before he remembered the hearts that beat in their chests.

He scratched the white spikes on his head and sighed before climbing up out of the bed and shuffling toward the kitchen. He slumped down in a chair and stared off into nothing, frowning. Someone outside was playing their radio too loud again. Who the hell frigin' blasted their radio at seven in the morning anyway? God damn bastards.

And they couldn't even choose a decent station, He thought in annoyance. What the hell was this shit supposed to be anyway? He listened more intently.

_"I'll give it to ya'_

_Give it to ya', yeah,_

_The keeey to my heeeaaart. Baby!"_

The hollow cringed and instantly regretted _that _decision. Clearly these people wanted to go deaf. Though, according to that same irritating station it was the top of the charts-whatever that was supposed to mean. All he knew was that for some reason this gave them the excuse to play that same particular song over and over again at many times throughout the day, and also to follow him wherever he went.

_"It beats for youuuuu, darling, and it calls for youuuuu!"_

Shiro snorted and sat up, making his way toward the fridge. Seeing nothing of his interest he reached down and pulled an apple out of the crisper. He wasn't exactly sure what an apple would do for him-the three of them were still trying to find what the best alternative was to eating souls or getting specialty pills from Urahara- but he figured why not, seeing as Hime was always suggesting King eat more fruits-usually with other odd combinations of things- and he remembered Ichigo to have liked them.

The emptiness was one thing. He could deal with that, which was a good thing considering the only cure for that was to have a heart, something that was impossible for a hollow anyway. Regardless of that though, he had to eat. Hollows didn't just eat souls because they felt like it-mostly that was the reason but it wasn't the whole reason. Souls were the natural food source of hollows, whether the world liked it or not. Just like anything else, if he didn't eat he would starve. There wasn't much to be discussed there.

So he hoped they would find some sort of replacement food source. He doubted they would but he hoped. Then they might never have to see Urahara again and if that didn't put a kick in someone's step he didn't know what would. Still, a cure for the emptiness would've been nice too…

He opened his mouth to take a bite when he heard a small squeak and a call of 'wait' as Hime flew into the Kitchen. She was still dressed in her pyjamas, the pink silk ones that accentuated all the lovely curves she had- the hollow needed no prompting to take advantage of this chance to admire. She bounced over to him curiously and took the apple from his hand. She examined and gasped, breaking into a large smile. He raised a brow at the girl.

"It looks just like a heart," she explained cheerily, placing the thing back in his hand.

"A heart…?" he asked dryly. She nodded and hummed a 'yes'.

_"Cause my heart's all yours, honey."_

Okay, there really had to be someone he could kill for the creation of that song.

* * *

"Ha-ha, same here. I thought my heart was going to fly out of my chest!" Orihime laughed good-naturedly in response to Kiego's admission about the Horror movie they'd just watched. Ichigo grinned and Tatsuki shot him a steely glare.

"Alright, I admit… I thought I was gonna have a heart attack at that one part too," Ichigo growled, earning a triumphant smirk from Tatsuki.

Kiego gasped. "Really? You too Ichigo?"

At this he was Ignored and Miziuro went on talk about the acting with Ishida who showed disinterest for the most part until the costume designs were mentioned. Chad simply grunted.

The hollow rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses, too irritated to be amused by any of this. Though he was glad that the annoying "are you _really_ Ichigo's twin separated at birth" questions had finally stopped, what weren't stopping were the rapidly pounding heartbeats surrounding him. He already knew that they were all cowards but holy hell. It made his head _and_ his chest ache. Why were they so loud all of a sudden?

_"I'll give it to ya'_

_Give it to ya', yeah."_

His eye twitched. Oh yeah, that was right. He'd been trying to focus on their heartbeats so he wouldn't have to hear that damn song again. Where was that crap coming from now? He glanced at the group around to see Kiego waving a pair of headphones wildly.

_"The keeey to my heeeaaart. Baby!"_

Finally Shiro snapped. "Does the chick have to freaking screech about it?! It's not that god damned special!"

The group fell into a stunned silence, that being the first time the hollow had spoken during the whole movie outing. He ignored the shocked stares and confused glances from his two majesties.

Unsurprisingly, it wasn't too long before Kiego filled the silence. "What are you talking about? Why, the heart is one of the most magnificent gifts given to us as human beings. It is the tool, the delicate instrument used to store our deep seated-" The Hollow tuned him out, reluctantly finding himself listening to heartbeats once again as they passed by a jewellers with their many displays of heart shaped rocks. And to think, Valentines Day passed a month ago.

* * *

Growling Shiro ripped open a random cupboard and grabbed the closest thing to him, not particularly caring what it was just as long as it was edible. So what if he was eating his stress away like some fat kid? He was a hollow dammit, and hollows ate things. Everyone was just lucky he wasn't eating a soul or a puppy or something.

He yanked a chair out from the table plopped down on it, slamming the thing he'd grabbed onto the table in front of him. He became completely still as he stared at the box of cereal he'd blindly chosen. Cheerios. And on the cover, a red, heart shaped bowl was full of them. He might've ignored it. He really might've. But then he saw the blasted caption;_ for a happy, healthy heart._

"AAAAH, I can't take this anymore!!!"

The hollow let out a strangled roar of frustration and violently snatched the box off the table and launched it. In doing so, he nearly succeeded in unintentionally beheading his other half via projectile Cheerios, missing him only by a mere centimetre and hitting the wall. He sprang up, turned on his heel and stormed off to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him with a slam so powerful it made the neighbours flinch and the music finally shut off.

Ichigo stared, confused by the outburst after having just entered the apartment and looked over at Orihime who'd been sitting on the other side of the table the whole time. However, she appeared to be as confused as he was about Shiro's behaviour, and merely blinked at Ichigo.

Ichigo picked up the battered box of cereal and frowned. "So, I'm thinking he doesn't like Cheerios then."

* * *

The door opened with a creak and Ichigo and Orihime peaked there heads in wearily. On the edge of the bed, facing away from them, the hollow sat, with a heavy dejected air surrounding him. The orange haired pair looked at each other briefly and then looked back at the hollow.

"Hey…you okay, Shiro?" Ichigo asked slowly.

The Hollow snorted and fell back onto the bed. "Oh yes. Peachy."

The two took that as their sign that it was okay to enter and climbed up onto the bed to sit on either side of where he lay. They waited patiently for an explanation as Shiro glared up at the ceiling.

"I can hear them, you know," was what he said after some time.

"Hear what, Shiro-kun?" Orihime asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Your _hearts_," He growled exasperatedly. "Damn things never stop. They're not loud exactly but if I listen or if it's really quiet…"

"Like right now. I can hear them," he said. He refused to meet their eyes. The pair looked across at each other in solemn understanding.

"Did you know people can share hearts, Shiro-kun?" Orihime asked him suddenly. This caused him to narrow his eyes and he turned a confused glance onto Orihime.

"You can do all kinds of things with your heart," she continued thoughtfully. "You can save it, you can hurt it, you can heal it, you can give it away… and you can also share it with the ones you care about."

"Eh? I gotta say, that's a bit lame, Hime," Shiro remarked dully, though the gold orbs shone with interest. It wasn't like the idea was easy to resist.

"Whatever," Ichigo huffed, glancing off to the side. "My heart was technically ours to begin with so I don't care if you want to share it."

"Me neither," Orihime piped in, climbing over to sit beside Ichigo. "I mean…_if_ Shiro-kun wants me to share with him." The hollow scowled and tore his gaze from them both, after realising he'd actually been wearing _that _expression, and far too long on top of that.

"You two are both lame-asses," He growled. His jab came out weak however as both orangettes noticed the light tint of blue on the hollow's cheeks signifying the hollow's extremely rare and abnormal blush. They smirked at each other in their victory.

"Come here, you jerk," Ichigo commanded.

The white clone debated with himself for a moment on whether he should tell the strawberry to go screw himself-_him, alone, without the hollow_- before complying and moving to lie between the two of them.

He fell asleep with his head on Ichigo's chest and Orihime's hand in his.

------

"Y'know…" Ichigo sighed, cutting through the quiet of the room and causing Orihime to look over curiously. "This could make for some great blackmail."

Orihime struggled to fight back a giggle.

* * *

**Who blasts their radio at seven in the morning? My father does. At six. Or earlier. I like country just as much as the next bumpkin, but my **_**sleep… **_**I need my**_** sleep. **_**DX**

**Argh, everything I do sucks recently…I don't want to whine but…maybe I really should give up after all. ): *shrugs* Maybe some of you will like it. Maybe…**


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